by Sara Mead
Fellow IFA-er Becks has made a valiant, if clearly wrong-headed, effort to defend the questionable honor of the Hot Pocket in her previous post. Unfortunately for her, this case can be easily vanquished by the mention of a single food item that bests the Hot Pocket in all the virtues she claims for it here. And that item, folks, is the sad quesadilla.
Are you unfamiliar with the sad quesadilla? The sad quesadilla is what you get when you take a tortilla, toss a handful of shredded cheese in it, and throw it in the toaster oven (NOT the microwave. The toaster oven is the greatest appliance ever, and if you don’t own one you are a sad, sad person. But that’s for another post). If you have other items on hand, such as salsa, or mayonnaise, or sour cream, or pepperoni, you can add those, too. A minute later you fold it in half and have a sad quesadilla. The sad quesadilla has been a staple of my menu for more years than i’m willing to admit. And, for all its sadness, it’s clearly superior to the Hot Pocket on all counts:
- Cheapness: A 2-pack of hot pockets costs $3.50. The basic ingredients of the sad quesadilla cost slightly more: A pack of tortillas might run you $2 or so, and a bag of shredded cheese around $3. But you can get at least 6 sad quesadillas out of that pack of tortillas and bag of cheese, making them a far better per-unit value than Hot Pockets.
- Speediness: It takes 3 minutes to microwave a Hot Pocket! You can have a sad quesadilla ready in just 1 minute–2 if you count the prep time.
- Healthfulness: First off, I can’t believe Becks even introduces this issue into a discussion of “why Hot Pockets are a good food to eat when you’re drunk.” Doesn’t she know that the calories consumed in drunk food don’t actually count! Since she brought it up, though, the sad quesadilla is way healthier than a Hot Pocket. I typically use a fajita size tortilla and handful (probably about a quarter cup) of 2% cheddar cheese, for a calorie count of about 160–200 if I’m generous with the cheese or happen to have sour cream on hand. Also–10 grams of protein, 2 grams of fiber, and 20 percent of your daily calcium needs. Not to mention that the sad quesadilla is composed entirely of ingredients that are, you know, actually food, composed mostly of identifiable food ingredients (like milk! and flour!), not weird creepy chemicals.
The sad quesadilla may be sad, but I’ve eaten sad quesadillas that were superior to some restaurant versions (such as the one served to Becks last night). More importantly, the sad quesadilla is composed entirely of ingredients that have completely normal, respectable uses (such as the delicious tacos that my boyfriend makes that I hope will someday appear on this blog), and that are reasonable staples that should be in everyone’s kitchen. You don’t have to be ashamed to have these items in your home. And, because it’s made out of food, it tastes like food. Can you say the same for Hot Pockets?
The Hot Pocket alternative I prefer is Amy’s XYZ in a Pocket Sandwich, where XYZ can be Cheese Pizza, Spinach Feta, Vegetable Pie, etc. Somuch tastier!
The saddest sad quesadilla I’ve ever made was last NYE. The Flophouse was out of real cheese so I made a string cheese quesadilla. Not my finest hour but, damn, did that taste good on a stomach full of champagne.
But why is it a sad quesadilla, as opposed to just a quesadilla?
I know we’re talking about drunk cooking, so maybe it is inappropriate to add a hot pan to the mix, but I would cook my version of your quesadilla using a non-stick skillet full of browning butter.
I’ve only ever topped with salsa and sour cream, but I guess pepperoni would probably taste pretty good in there too.
I always keep some canned chicken in the pantry. Mix it up with some salsa and throw it in a tortilla with cheese and the mashed up contents of whatever kind of canned beans you have laying around and you’ve got the perfect 3 am snack.
I make them in a skillet browned in a little bit of olive oil or canola oil (healthy!) and I use sliced extra sharp white cheddar cheese placed tenderly and lovingly atop some chopped onion.
Krusherking,
I know I don’t have to say this, except that I want it on the record:
Butter makes it better!
But, seriously, it is a good suggestion to add some canolo or olive oil in there if you want to cut down on the sat fats.
But forget about fats… what kind of onion do you pile on there? I think that, from what you’re talking about, I would go with some finely minced red onion – but we have to remember that this a late night dish. Nothing says ‘drinking and cooking’ like a finely shaved finger nail!
In high school, we used to make pizzadillas (tortillas with marinara sauce) and quesodillas and from time to time I still make the sandwichdilla. You bet, the sad quesadilla is still a part of my regular diet.
Following up on Kriston’s pizzadillas, I made a signficant part of my college diet on pizza bread, like the pizzadilla, but with standard white bread. Even then, I still had a decent spice collection, so oregano, seasoned salt, basil, and garlic powder would help out the bottled Ragu sauce. It’s still a go-to snack when there’s leftover tomato sauce in the fridge.